Being in love is a wonderful thing, isn’t it? The only catch is, it’s not always all rainbows and butterflies. When something goes wrong or fights escalate, things can get messy very quickly. Many couples don’t like to admit it, but conflict is common to all relationships. Take two imperfect people living in an imperfect world, with two totally different backgrounds and personalities. Then add some bad habits and baggage, thrown in with unrealistic expectations and the curve balls life throws at us. When you add all those things together, conflict is completely unavoidable. But, the good news is that disagreements can be healthy in relationships, and frustrations are normal.
My husband and I have had our share of conflicts, and some of our disagreements have not been very pretty. In both marriage and relationships, we can sometimes say hurtful things to our partners that we don’t mean, and even create division if disagreements aren’t handled properly. The last thing you want to do is drive a wedge between you and your significant other. One thing I’ve noticed in my own experiences, is that communication needs to play a big role in your arguments. My husband and I have come to realize that we need to communicate better after a fight. Many times in the past, we’ve apologized and moved on from disagreements without a proper resolve, sweeping things under the rug instead. But doing this isn’t good, because it’s always going to come back unless you actually talk it out.
Even the strongest of relationships and marriages face problems, so it’s nothing to be ashamed of. However, stay aware of the bigger problems that could possibly arise if these issues aren’t dealt with head on, or handled in a civil manner. Being that every relationship has its problems, we must ask ourselves how to deal with them rather than avoid them. Believe it or not, there are ways to successfully overcome growing pains. Here are my top tips on how to prevent division with your partner.
Before an argument
Before conflict occurs, you and your partner must choose how to conduct yourselves. There are many ways you can successfully prepare for an argument, including prayer. Pray about your problems before bringing them up in a discussion. This will allow you to identify the issue with wisdom. If you still feel that what’s bothering you is worth fighting for at this point, then approach your partner about it…with love. In situations like these, be sure to stay calm and prepare to listen. It’s important to have a cool head prior to engaging in these conversations, to ensure a mature and effective talk.
During an argument
If you happen to lose your temper during a fight, it’s ok! We are all human. Just try to avoid saying or doing things you might regret later on. Fighting fair is a very important (and crucial) way to avoid further conflict. The rules are as follows: No bringing things up from the past, no name calling, no interrupting, and no generalizations (e.g., “you always” or “you never”).
After an argument
It sometimes takes a while to get over a fight and feel better, so you may need to give each other some space after the fact. But you’ll also need to be ready to forgive, choose love, and move on. Resolving the issue should always be the goal in situations like these, so having a plan of action helps tremendously. As I mentioned before, my husband and I used to sweep things under the rug. Now, we try our best to deal with the issue head on. Making a relationship work takes a lot of effort, but it’s definitely worth it. I encourage you to keep these 7 Bible verses in the back of your mind when relationship or marital issues come your way.